Tuesday, September 10th, 2002
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11:01 pm - what do u want?
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I know what ya want, i know what u need... and im gonna screw it up.....the words of a true man! lol yeah right
I'm so confussed about life... about men... about what im suposed to accomplish here.. i mean i go through life wishing about what i dont have... its so pathetic, i hate it....
its like why do i even get up in the morning and get dressed, or why i do i brush my hair or take a shower... why do i even exist... i have no meaning, i have no hope... where would i be if i wasnt here, what would i be?
Do u ever think about things like that? wonder what it would be like to be a bird... fly all over, see what ever u wanted?
have u ever wondered what it would be like to be a dog or a cat, how it woud feel to be free of worry free of doubt... but then again how do we really know if they dont go through those emotions... they could feel like us and we could never know it... or maybe im just crazy.....
maybe i shouldnt think as though i do... or mabye its natural... what is our perpose...
is man only here to destroy and get ride of?? hurt and conquer??
that is only thought not judgement nor should i judge anyone... i am in no place... i am not the best or will i ever be...
i am doubtfull and deceived of what may lie beneath the suffice...
current mood:  depressed
current music: Jimmy Fallin-im ur boyfriend
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10:36 pm - what do u want?
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I know what ya want, i know what u need... and im gonna screw it up.....the words of a true man! lol yeah right
I'm so confussed about life... about men... about what im suposed to acomplish here.. i mean i go through life wishing about what i dont have... its so pathetic, i hate it....
its like why do i even get up in the morning and get dressed, or why i do i brush my hair or take a shower... why do i even exist... i have no meaning i have no hope... where would i be if i wasnt here, what would i be? Do u ever think about things like that? wonder with it would be like to be a bird... fly all over see what ever u wanted, or what it would be like to be a dog or a cat, how it woud feel to be free of worry free of doubt...
maybe i shouldnt think as though i do... or mabye its natural... what is our perpose...
man is only here to destroy and get ride of...
that is only thought not judgement nor should i judge anyone... i am in no place... i am not the best or will i ever be...
current mood: depressed
current music: Jimmy Fallin-im ur boyfriend
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3:31 pm - In an instant ..........
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In the instant of a blink
the world passed as though id seen
looking back apon the days
never will I be the same
doubtful thinking, instant fury
winding guilt around my veins
tears of blood fulled with pain
the coldest breath id ever seen
hear the voices with in our souls
sheeding light of witch we morrn
an in that instant that may linger
dreadful watching, werry eyes
can u feel the pain ive shared
in the midest with in our self
singing birds that symbolize
the thought of freedom from above
torn into, by tragedy that rains
with in that instant feelings come truth
tranquillity and light of meaning
peacefullness fills the room
with in an instant
what can be the meaning of this?
current mood:  discontent
current music: none
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Sunday, September 8th, 2002
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5:49 pm - wow, cant believe its been a yr.....
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Well, its been a year... wow! I've seen a lot this yr and i think I'm finally realizing what its all about..... will be 20 in 4 months! i cant wait....
Did i ever tell ya, i got my GED finally!! yay!! i did that last yr.... I no longer work at Spencers, but hey its all good... I need to get outa there... I worked there for 9 months and I never got a raise once... I think that I totally fucked up!!
Then I got a job with my uncles working at there pharmacy, that was a good experience! I really enjoyed it... but... they didnt need me no more... I guess... oh-well... I dont care, its time to move on...
I am actually looking to go back to school, I wanna go for web design! hehe and net working... maybe one day soon ill get my act together.... I need to find another job... but I'm so unmotivated! lol
Anyhow... I hope everyone is doing great ;) had a pretty good yr...
its been pretty rocky for me.. so i can only imagen! lol
well take it easy....
peace!
current mood:  tired
current music: My parents are listening to country lol im tryin not to hear
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5:49 pm - wow, cant believe its been a yr.....
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Well, its been a year... wow! I've seen a lot this yr and i think I'm finally realizing what its all about..... will be 20 in 4 months! i cant wait....
Did i ever tell ya, i got my GED finally!! yay!! i did that last yr.... I no longer work at Spencers, but hey its all good... I need to get outa there... I worked there for 9 months and I never got a raise once... I think that I totally fucked up!!
Then I got a job with my uncles working at there pharmacy, that was a good experience! I really enjoyed it... but... they didnt need me no more... I guess... oh-well... I dont care, its time to move on...
I am actually looking to go back to school, I wanna go for web design! hehe and net working... maybe one day soon ill get my act together.... I need to find another job... but I'm so unmotivated! lol
Anyhow... I hope everyone is doing great ;) had a pretty good yr...
its been pretty rocky for me.. so i can only imagen! lol
well take it easy....
peace!
current mood: tired
current music: My parents are listening to country lol im tryin not to hear
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12:14 pm - hey!! im backkkkkkkkkkkkk ;)
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hahahaha man i havent been on here in like forever!!! lol... hope everyone is doing good out there...
well alot has happened sence ive talked on here... lol
current mood:  bored
current music: none
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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Friday, September 7th, 2001
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2:09 am - UNTILED
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IM STUCK IN A HOLE BUT AT LEST I CAN BREATH.
EVERYONE ELSE ALONE IN THERE GRAVE.
WAITFUL WATCHING AS THE STARS RISE.
WEARY EYES WITH STRICKS OF BLOOD.
SYMBOLIZE THE DAY WE AROSE.
MEANINGFUL WORDS CLUTTERED WITH THOUGHT.
WHEN IM ALONE THE WOLD IS IN TONE.
FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE TILL DEATH DUES YOU PART.
YOU WILL LIVE FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS!
current mood:  amused
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Thursday, September 6th, 2001
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11:31 pm - Its been awhile!
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Well hello everyone!
IM backkkkkk!! Its been a very long time, and boy do i have alot to tell! lol
Im still working at spencers! thank god! lol I met this guy and we started dating for awhile... but he got me in some trouble... i got aressed June 20th for petty theft and poss of canibis! im in with the big boys now... im so stupid... at lest i learned my lesson... i never want to go back to jail... AND I will never do some shit like that again.... my life has pretty much turned for the worst in the last few months... thank god im no longer with that guy... and im gonna try and get myself turned back around and start heading the right direction... i dont know what happened i was doing so good... got a job, passed three of my GED test and now this... im gonna be on probation for six months... have to go to two different conselors, do 40 hours of comunity serves (which isnt bad) and pay alot of money... it sucks! plus on top of all this i took the last two tests for my GED and failed them... so now im gonna have to retake them... and if i dont pass this next time... i dont know what im gonna do... the test for next year is changing and is gonna be even harder... i feel so stupid... and im incredibly only... i have no friends really to talk to... only my parents... that can be a good and bad thing... they can always turn on ya when ur lest expecting it... but i love them dearly if i didnt have my mom and step dad i honestly dont know what id do... id probably been dead along time ago... there great in there own lil ways!
I took a look back at all my old journal intries tonight.... its weird how a year has almost passed sence I started writing in this... WOW!
well im gonna get going... see yas around!
~*Glows~N~the~dark*~
current mood: depressed
current music: ~Incubis~
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Monday, June 25th, 2001
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5:53 pm - Im back!
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Well then! its been awhile... I got a job now and no longer go to school! Which is a really good thing! I couldnt stand it any longer!
I work at spencer gifts! in the mall! its cool... i dont really make that much but i dont care... im sure that the longer i stay ill get a rise of some sort.... I hope! ;)
well I think im gonna go... hopefully ill write again soon....
take care everyone! be safe!
if theres that special person who might read this, please becarefull and I hope to see u again oneday... Ill miss u!
(you should know who u are)
My deepest desires
see ya!
current mood:  confused
current music: TOOL-Lateralus
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Tuesday, March 13th, 2001
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10:43 pm - As If!
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Okay, well life is going okay... I guess! lol Drank a quart and im FINALLY startin to feel it... StrangE... Brad is bein a total ass (somewhat)... I think hes testing me or something.. Cause he keeps fuckin with me... I really dont understand guys what so ever... There so weird sometimes... Its like they have no feels (I know they do) But... Not like us girls anyway... We can get so emotional... It sucks ass! lol
Sometimes I totally hate being girl! Yes us girlies out there have way more advantages then u guy's, and we'er ALOT more sexy than you guys... but everything else just sucks!
Reperduction in the other hand, I think would be awesome... I really cant wait till that one day I conceve a baby... To know what its like to carry something inside my body, its really cool to wonder about... Cant wait to experence it! But not the symtomes that go along with it! lol Yikes!
well i think thats enough of that talk!
I think im gonna go... so I'll catch ya'll laters... take care
current mood:  weird
current music: Fraggle Rock Theme!!
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Saturday, March 10th, 2001
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7:50 pm - HiYA!!!!
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Well, Hello everyone!! Long time no talk!! lol
I dunno I really havent felt like writing in awhile...
My baby got out, after almost two years!! YAY!! I'm so happy... In LoVe once again! He was my first... I missed him sooo much, I just hope things work out and he doesnt repeat everything he did to me... by hurting me once again! well i gotta go... dinner time! Hope everyone is doing good... ill try and keep in touch! talk to ya laters...
Ruth!
current mood:  happy
current music: Radio
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Friday, February 16th, 2001
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11:30 pm - Hi'ya
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Okay, so like i totaly havent been able to get on here... for some reason its taking forever... and i havent figured out why... but oh-well.. im here now! lol
Hope everyone is doing good... me i could be better... but hey! its all good! Guys are so confusing... Uhhhhggggg.... Sometimes i wonder if they only care about themselfs... Or maybe i just find the wrong ones to talk to! lol
I dont know anymore...
Anyhow, School is going well... I go to take two of my test March 7th!! yay hopefully by then it will be 3 and then im down to two! so im like very happy about that... I gotta study more though.. thats the only thing... but, thats not a bad thing hehehe
well... im gonna go.. im getting sleepy... talk to ya'll laters!
BuH-ByE
current mood: disappointed
current music: Radio
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Monday, February 5th, 2001
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7:58 pm - ~*HiYa*~
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Okay! I like havent written in like forever. Ive been so weird lately... Hummm very interesting... anyway, sometimes I so totaly dont understand guys... there so WEIRD! lol not like us girls at all... but oh well... what can ya do! DEAL with it... But im so sure! lol (cant live with'em, cant live with out'em)
Anyhow, Ive been alright I guess, finally getting my license back but not total driving privliges.. Which sucks but its okay I guess... I really dont need them fully back yet... Not after the wreck I got into... So I understand...
Well, I think im gonna go now... Soooo LaTeRs DuDeS!!!
current mood:  high
current music: NO DOUBT!!!!!!!
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Saturday, January 27th, 2001
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5:06 pm - Oh Sorrow Night, Oh Sorrow Day... When will the Sorrow go Away!
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~<~~<~{@ To All...
When will the Sorrow Go Away?
To be or not to be... That my friend is the Question!
Unhappy... Sometimes I wonder if it ever gets better.. somehow, I think not...
<~Sighs~>
{Oh-Well}
;(
Good-bye Sobor Day!
Until We Meet Again..
That last kiss of tender bliss..
For I hope You never forget..
The unfor gotten..
Forever I await..
That lasting moment..
Till we meet again..
The lasting kiss of ignorant bliss..
current mood: crappy
current music: Radio
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Thursday, January 25th, 2001
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8:01 pm - weird dreams!
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Well... Hey! I havent written in awhile... Ive been sick with bronchitis ;( which really sucks... But Oh-Well.. I'm feeling much better though... I think just about everyone at my school has it! Its funny how fast colds and things pass through schools and homes... Were all a bunch of germ magnets!! LOL
I cleaned my room today.. And did four loads of laundry today!! WOW!! Thats a lotta clothes lol
Hehehe I had this really weird dream last night.. It was all about how I had to save mt bong! lol
I think thats fucking great!! lol
The other night one of my dreams was I found like a half a sack of Ganja in a book... I dont know what it is with all the weird weed dreams... I wonder what there trying to tell me... hummmmmm...
I HAVE NO CLUE!!
WELL..... I THINK IM OUTA FOR TONIGHT...
GOODNIGHT EVERYONE! BUH-BYE
current mood:  energetic
current music: Radio
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Friday, January 19th, 2001
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4:04 pm - YAY!!!!!!!
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Well Yesterday was my B-day... had a very good day!! I got uh baby chike... (not really of course) some balloons and a dozen roses from my mom...
ummm a Watch... its cool! I also got some books... A hair dryer, curling iron and some money! ;)
Ohhhhhhhh Yea!!! Most important I got a Bong and some incense from my sister!!
current mood: happy
current music: Radio
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Wednesday, January 17th, 2001
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7:00 pm
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Well guys, tomorrow is my B-day!!!! YaaaaaaY!!
its finally here!! I'm so happy ;)
went and got my nails done today!! that was fun... i like doin the girly thing, get my nails done look all pretty!! hehehe
my sister got me a bong for my B-day the only thing that sucks is i dont got any ganja to try it out ohhh-well hopefuly soon...
Well.... im outy all... so take care and ill keep ya posted on what else i got for my b-day!
LaTeRs AlL!!
current mood: happy
current music: Radio.... Techno
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Sunday, January 14th, 2001
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5:53 pm - Ughhhhhh
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Hey, whats up everyone? Ahhhh not much here...
Being bored... lalala..
dont really have much to say.. so guess im gonna go..
laters..
current mood: blah
current music: Radio
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Thursday, January 11th, 2001
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5:44 pm - hello!!
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WEll today was a pretty good day! Didnt go to school... I know, I know... Shame on me!! LoL my mom and step dad was off and I havent seen them in awhile so wanted to stay home and spend the day with them...
Family is very important... Even though sometimes we have our differences... I will always apprciate there input... I know there only looking out for our best interest!
cant wait exactly one week today till my b-day!! YAYAYAYAYAY!!!!! I'm so happy ;0)~
WEll im gonna go.. have a nice day eveyone!! buh-bye!!
current mood:  relieved
current music: radio
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Wednesday, January 10th, 2001
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3:54 pm - Ughhhhh
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A few years ago, at the Seattle Special Olympics, nine contestants, all physically or mentally disabled, assembled at the starting line for the 100-yard dash.
At the gun, they all started out, not exactly in a dash, but with a relish to run the race to the finish and win. All, that is, except one little boy who stumbled on the asphalt, tumbled over a couple of times, and began to cry.
The other eight heard the boy cry. They slowed down and looked back. Then they all turned around and went back.
Every one of them.
One girl with Down's Syndrome bent down and kissed him and said: "This will make it better." Then all nine linked arms and walked together to the finish line.
Everyone in the stadium stood, and the cheering went on for several minutes. People who were there are still telling the story.
Why? Because deep down we know this one thing: What matters in this life is more than winning for ourselves. What matters in this life is helping others win, even if it means slowing down and changing our course.
Hello peeps! whats up! that was on a web site that i was looking at and i thought it was sweet... ;) so decided to put it up!!
hope everyone is doing good... im all right i guess... almost got into a huge argument with this black chick at school today... stupid ignorant people... she was all be racist and sayin that black people dont do such and such drugs and white people do... i mean how gay is that... I've seen some really fucked up black people at clubs and shit... she doesnt have a clue as to what shes talking about and that kinda shit pisses me off to the extream!!!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR i cant stand it when people get all racist about shit its so gay!!!!!!!!
anyway, im gonna go... have a nice night... laters!!
current mood:  annoyed
current music: radio
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